Holidayyyyyyy from the army yeah boyy

Posted: November 19, 2010 in Uncategorized

So were to start were to start,

well about 4 weeks ago I was given a ticket by the army police, as my hair was to long( I know I know), The army police are the most hated army corps in all of Israel even the civilians hate them.

What happens is they are only allowed to go home something like once a month from what I am told so they hate on all the rest of the soldiers, as we can go home every weekend or after 17 days for 4 days. or in some cases people go home everyday  than report for duty in the morning.

So how does this happen you might ask well I was heading to my base after the weekend you know, and first this 18 year old very cute army police girl walks over to me, asks me my name number etc.  than she goes on in Hebrew (now I understood what she was saying but I like to play a little game called I don’t understand you, when someone tries to tell me off) so She switches to heavily accented english giggling all the way through and says ” Your uhhhh here (spelt wrong on purpose to show how bad her english was) is ahhh too much” all the while she is running her hand through my hair, now I know I am attractive but don’t expect to be hit on at the bus station.  So I told her ” yeah I know sorry” and she seriously says it’s fine don’t worry about it and asks if I come to this stop a lot, so I tell her yeah I am on a base near to here. she smiles and says she is their next Thursady and she might see me then.


So I walk out felling very damn good about myself and start heading to the stop when I get a call. I pick up my phone and see it’s Rahn my mate from base, he only speaks hebrew and I understand him perfectly. so I answer the phone “Shalom Rhan”  (don’t forget this took place in hebrew ) “Arik? the stop has changed don’t go to Hatzor go to junction machanim” (me) “What you said to come here I am all ready here damn it I will see you in 5”. so I hang up the phone grab the next bus and head to the junction, I get of and less than 20 seconds after I get off the bus a car stops in front of me. “Soldier here now” Fuck I thought as I saw it was to warrant officers in a car from the army police.  I tell them immediately I don’t speak hebrew which works a charm they don’t now any English as they are two big Fat idiots Nagadim (I will explain what they are in a later post) they tell ask nam rank number again, so I tell them they tell me go to my base and tell my commander the army police spoke to me. so I call my commander I tell him he says don’t worry about it. so two weeks pass and I am called into the office of the head of the base I walk in he starts telling me I have a ticket from the army police and my punishment is 14 days on base, I tell him this is bullshit and explain that I was not given anything by hand and my commander said not to worry about it. So he shows me the paper, turns out the army police faxed the ticket to the base.


So now I am on the other side of all that bullshit and am on holiday for a week. so I visited Jerusalem again, seriously the old city it takes almost 2 hours to drive 4 km’s because the roads suck and there are so many people to go see a walled city less than 4 square kilometers.  I went with one of the volunteers from the kibbutz Ari.  and I went in uniform as I don’t have to pay for buses or trains when i am in it. so here I was walking through the arab part of the city in uniform asking for a church. then the arab call to prayer comes on and on top of the heat and sound of so many people this loud yelling arab on a megaphone starts yelling, than a huge line of americans walk past and a lady yells  real loudly “Jesus is lord!” I started to piss myself laughing as here are all these arabs an Israeli soldier a south african ( Ari) and praying muslims and she starts yelling this out.

I also went to the old city of Akko this week, and never again am I going back to that smelly place the Arabs have wrecked it completely, now I am a history buff and to see horses shitting in the streets of a 1500 year old city pissed me off completely. I swear that city needs them all kicked out and cleaned up. it’s a disgrace. the Arabs where having some sort of party for a holiday of there’s, so there were cops every were (again I was in uniform), I spent 30 minutes in that part of the city then left the smell was too much I got a head ache. I  manged to get to a police check point and had to stop , the smell over came me and I threw up in the bush right by the police check point. this very cute police women who looked to be about 20 came over to me ( she is Jewish by the way) “soldier soldier are you ok”  I stood up tried talking and vomited again, I manged to tell her the smell was disgusting in the old city. I told here it’s what happens when you breed like rabbits and have no money and let fucking horses in the city. She looked at me and smiled and said “I know soldier it’s disgusting right, where are you heading anyway?”  So I tell her I am heading to my kibbutz. she radios to one of her fellow officers and he comes with a police car they tell me to get in and drive me to the gate of my kibbutz.

I am felling better by the way. Oh and I saw the new harry potter last night. good movie fucking suck audience ARABS. the sooner they go back to work the better. I swear you walk into the mall and fucking little kids everywhere as the parents just dumb them there for the day by the looks of it. they spit they push they shove. so I was in my movie and again in uniform. the whole cinema is filled by Arabs I swear I was the only person in that cinema that did not know arabic. the kids would not shut up the girls were taking pictures on their phones in the movie with the flash on. the kids would not sit still they opened the fire exit and the manager came to shut it. on the fourth time during the intermission the girls took a picture again with the flash on in the dark and this kid was kicking my chair. I was pissed so I stood up and started yelling at them in Hebrew I said “What the hell do you think you’re doing, your at a movie not a club stop with the pictures now” I pointed at the kid and told him ” I swear if you kick my chair again it will be the last think you do yamanyak (throwing in my Arabic word here)” he sat down immediately fast for a 13-year-old. god it’s times like those I love the uniform.


I don’t normally say this and don’t just hate Arabs but I know were people are coming from when they say they smell and are ill-behaved fucks.


anyway back to the army next week never thought I would say it but yayyy.

Shabbat Shalom kids



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